In denial...

Loneliness

Am i scared of commitment? am i scarred by the first love of my life? have i been blind all this while? questions after questions.. it was not the best relantionship i've ever had by why do i still kept on thinking about my first love...not high skool puppy love..the actual love of my life. and the thing that i kept on reminiscing is the hurt that i have been thru with him. i kept on asking myself did he really love me then? or was it just me? me being so in love with him and blinded by that. he was no prince charming but yet i was smitten. i was more head over heels than smitten i think. i was his slave..slave of love and sad thing is i only come to realise it now. after all these years!!was i just plain naive? or just in denial? kept on consolling myself that its allrite. next please! i would say.moving along.. I guess it is not that simple eh? if i am alrite, why do i still kept on asking myself whether did he genuinely love me then? i really need to know coz if i keep on asking myself this and without any answer to it..i will go crazy! maybe i am not totally over him yet and that is why i cant move on.. or maybe, i am over him but there is a scar in my heart that has his name on it. should i confront him? should i just tell him whats on my mind and heart? and i will forever be at peace? if i dont do so, there will always be a shadow of him overpowering me... should i or shouldnt it?

My Summer in Melbourne 2004

Summer in Melbourne 2004

Romance is in the summer air.. Everyone has a fair share of summer flings and mine was the most memorable one. The zsa zsa zhu was bursting in the city of romance. My city of romance that is. I was basically just walking on melbie air.*sigh*
Let me just rave about Melbie.. is such a beea-u-ti-ful city and i felt in love with it as soon as i step foot in it..or maybe coz i had a great companion that brought out the romantic side of Melbie.. He is such a darling!My summer woudn't be the same if it wasn't for my summer fling.. One romantic nite was in NewQuay Pmde, Docklands where he brought me to dinner by the river and we were strolling down the promenade like two lovebirds in the chilly air. It must have been the wine or just the warmness of heat we had coz i didnt feel a tad bit chilly at all! We were commented by this man who took our picture what a handsome couple we are.it seemed like it was all scripted for a romantic movie.. well..it is my movie!
most nites were filled with us sipping our wine enjoying the short lived romance we had. some nites was us shakking our ass to the smooth groove of the music. melbie was romantic even during the day. shopping is romantic ok! Or maybe shopping in Melbie with my summer fling is romantic.. then again, its just me with the zsa zsa zhu..
i was still walking on melbie air even wen i touched down to my hometown,the silly lil smile on my face was there for about a week wen reality finally sinks in. My summer has come to an end!My romantic summer in melbourne was long gone but luckily i brought back the air for a lil while. the zsa zsa zhu was still lingering..
i will never forget my summer in melbourne 2004. it has brought out the romantic side of me that i have not seen for a long time. Even tho it was short lived, at least i had the zsa zsa zhu..

Wrong exit: La La Land

Nocturnally

Life passes you by quickly when you are in this unconscious state of mind. Where in this mind of yours is this imaginary world that you have created helped by the substance that you have consumed. Is this the world that you want to live in? The world where everything seemed pretentious. Pretentious because you have created this world yourself. In this world, you are oblivious of your surroundings, everything seemed to move quickly or more like in a daze. There is no way you can reminisce this part of your life as you wont be able to even remember every little detail of it. Why? You can answer why. Why don’t we want to grasp every single detail of our life? Life is moments of little little things compiled altogether. It is something that we should always remember and remember. Coz you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow or the day after or even today. And why woudnt you wanna take and breathe every single moment of it? But only to turn to this unconscious state of mind. What good is this world to you? The unconscious world, mind you. Only to realize that it is only for a moment. A blissful moment..

I have to admit, being in this state of mind is excellent. How it feels like, unexplainable. If you want to be in my world, you got to experience it 1st hand. Do I like it? Hell yes! Do I regret it? Hell yes! But only after so long! After realizing what good does it do to me? Why am I wasting my life being unconscious? Why? Why? So many questions without answers!

During my journey, I was lost. I took the wrong exit..The exit to la la land. The land of wonders. Wonders created by my own self..I want to go back home..home is where the conscious state of mind is…

Life if Full of Unexpected Surprises

am here aren't i? i feel that i should find out my writing skills here..