Ocean's Secrets

Oceans take our secrets
What we don't want to see or smell anymore.
We feel anonymous
We feel clean
When we throw our past away.
It will wash, we think.
It will sink
It will drift far from this shore.
It will disappear.
Maybe the fish with eat our words
Maybe lost or spurned loves
Will help deep-sea feathery green plants grow.

Now and again.
I find myself walking on the wet, hard-packed sand
looking for tears and exotic messages
In the creeping, reaching water
That just misses touching my toes
Sometimes there's something clear and obvious
Like a fingernail or a plastic bag
Through I'll never know for sure
Who threw them away.
Once I found a wedding ring
Uncovered by the receding tide.
I didn't touch it.
I was already married.

Copyright by Viggo Mortensen (1991)
Coincidence of Memory

I don't want to feel this way

It has been 3 years
I have not seen him
Walking wounded they say
I don’t want to feel this way
I don’t want to feel this way
Its my turn to miss him
How it feels like getting hurt
How it feels like not seeing him

I dun want to feel this way..
Regret..
Its not my intentions to hurt you
I want you now
I don’t want to feel this way

You are so far away
Are we meant for each other
You dun say I miss you anymore..
Do you still want me like before?
Coz I want you now..
But I dun want to feel this way
My life now revolves around you
Around meeting you..

And I know you feel the same way too..
The same way..
I know coz I feel it..even if you don’t tell me.. I know..
The chemistry is strong enough
Between us even far apart
Even after all these years
Do we want to feel this way?

Tho we are far apart..
our hearts are close to each other..
I know it… and so do you..

Fears of Rejection

lighting confusion

copyright@sha

Evey single moment of my time now
I think about this
I think about what will I do next
Will I be able to go forth
Go forth to achieve what I want
I have been dreaming and dreaming
About this
I have been planning and planning
Of what I want to do

I am afraid of the turned down
Afraid of being turned down
Will I be able to accept it?
This rejection..
What am I to do?
Of being rejected

Oh please
Let me have my dreams
Let me live my dreams
I have been dreaming about this
For so long
I have been dead
All this while
I have not lived

Oh please
Don’t let me not live my dreams
Just this once
Please give me the chance

What is next for me?
Please show me the answers
What is next?
What should I do?
Waiting
And waiting
Is what I should do
Praying for an answer..

Fate on my Side

Flames

copyright@sha

As I open my eyes
I think about my fate
Every single morning

Midday
I seek for confirmation
I seek for approval
I seek for you
Its getting closer
Closer to getting to us
But how much closer?

By the time I close my eyes
I am already tired
Tired of this anticipation
Its too much for me to handle

Every single day
Searching for answers
Searching….

Will fate be on my side?
Cause there’s hope
Hope inside me
But what if fate is not on my side
Its killing me slowly now
The fire is slowly dimming

But no!
I will not let my fire turns into ashes
Too soon
There is hope
Still hope
Your fire is burning tremendously
I can feel it
I feel it coming from you

Thank you
For having hope
You make me stronger
Your fire caught on to my dying flames
And I thank you for that…

Fate I Seek

clouds of rain

copyright@sha

Sadness overwhelming me
I feel emptiness inside me urging to come out
Therefore there were tears
Tears of sadness flowing out freely from my stone cold heart
Am crying for me
Crying of desperation
Crying of helplessness
Am crying for you too
Crying for us
My tears kept on flowing
I didn’t know I had that much sadness in me
Why?

Why am I sad?
Will fate be on my side?
Meeting you again is the fate that I seek
I seek to be in your arms again
I seek to share everything with you
Everything about me that I have not let anyone know
The thoughts that goes thru my head
My crazy thoughts
My fears, my sorrows
My happy happy thoughts
sharing my outmost happy feelings
As you will only understand

Or will you?
That is why meeting you again is the fate that I seek
Meeting you again I what I long for
I need to be sure
I need to be sure you are the one
The One for me?
I need to be sure
I will not be at peace till this is sure

MY Studio 54

Disco Balls

copyright@sha


Studio 54 was really the ultimatum disco experience everyone from the 70s had ever experienced! The old theather turned into a clubhouse for the rich and famous. Studio 54 was the icon of the disco era. Now, MY Studio 54 was also as famous and as memorable!

An old cinema turned into a clubhouse, with the surround sound system, with the huge dance floor and all around balcony that oversees the whole club, party people dancing the night away till the sun rises. MY Studio 54 was the ultimate clubbing experience i and many others have ever experienced. Big name DJs playing almost every weekend from Digweed to the ever famous Paul Van Dyk, this was the place! The place of pure bliss of la la land! Once you step in, you are in another world of laser lights and glow sticks. This is the house of love i must say. Old friends and new friends emerged together as one. This is the house where couples break up and two people falls in love. Clubbers unite every weekend for the experience of a lifetime. i had the best experience in this house of love.

The party went on great for this house of love and people was saying this was the best thing that had ever happened and this would last forever . . . But as everytning else, the story of MY Studio 54 also had an end. In 2o03, the house of love was burned down. and for that year and years after, clubbers do still mourned over the lost of the house of love.

This was the story about THE most famous club of all times . . .

In denial...

Loneliness

Am i scared of commitment? am i scarred by the first love of my life? have i been blind all this while? questions after questions.. it was not the best relantionship i've ever had by why do i still kept on thinking about my first love...not high skool puppy love..the actual love of my life. and the thing that i kept on reminiscing is the hurt that i have been thru with him. i kept on asking myself did he really love me then? or was it just me? me being so in love with him and blinded by that. he was no prince charming but yet i was smitten. i was more head over heels than smitten i think. i was his slave..slave of love and sad thing is i only come to realise it now. after all these years!!was i just plain naive? or just in denial? kept on consolling myself that its allrite. next please! i would say.moving along.. I guess it is not that simple eh? if i am alrite, why do i still kept on asking myself whether did he genuinely love me then? i really need to know coz if i keep on asking myself this and without any answer to it..i will go crazy! maybe i am not totally over him yet and that is why i cant move on.. or maybe, i am over him but there is a scar in my heart that has his name on it. should i confront him? should i just tell him whats on my mind and heart? and i will forever be at peace? if i dont do so, there will always be a shadow of him overpowering me... should i or shouldnt it?

My Summer in Melbourne 2004

Summer in Melbourne 2004

Romance is in the summer air.. Everyone has a fair share of summer flings and mine was the most memorable one. The zsa zsa zhu was bursting in the city of romance. My city of romance that is. I was basically just walking on melbie air.*sigh*
Let me just rave about Melbie.. is such a beea-u-ti-ful city and i felt in love with it as soon as i step foot in it..or maybe coz i had a great companion that brought out the romantic side of Melbie.. He is such a darling!My summer woudn't be the same if it wasn't for my summer fling.. One romantic nite was in NewQuay Pmde, Docklands where he brought me to dinner by the river and we were strolling down the promenade like two lovebirds in the chilly air. It must have been the wine or just the warmness of heat we had coz i didnt feel a tad bit chilly at all! We were commented by this man who took our picture what a handsome couple we are.it seemed like it was all scripted for a romantic movie.. well..it is my movie!
most nites were filled with us sipping our wine enjoying the short lived romance we had. some nites was us shakking our ass to the smooth groove of the music. melbie was romantic even during the day. shopping is romantic ok! Or maybe shopping in Melbie with my summer fling is romantic.. then again, its just me with the zsa zsa zhu..
i was still walking on melbie air even wen i touched down to my hometown,the silly lil smile on my face was there for about a week wen reality finally sinks in. My summer has come to an end!My romantic summer in melbourne was long gone but luckily i brought back the air for a lil while. the zsa zsa zhu was still lingering..
i will never forget my summer in melbourne 2004. it has brought out the romantic side of me that i have not seen for a long time. Even tho it was short lived, at least i had the zsa zsa zhu..

Wrong exit: La La Land

Nocturnally

Life passes you by quickly when you are in this unconscious state of mind. Where in this mind of yours is this imaginary world that you have created helped by the substance that you have consumed. Is this the world that you want to live in? The world where everything seemed pretentious. Pretentious because you have created this world yourself. In this world, you are oblivious of your surroundings, everything seemed to move quickly or more like in a daze. There is no way you can reminisce this part of your life as you wont be able to even remember every little detail of it. Why? You can answer why. Why don’t we want to grasp every single detail of our life? Life is moments of little little things compiled altogether. It is something that we should always remember and remember. Coz you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow or the day after or even today. And why woudnt you wanna take and breathe every single moment of it? But only to turn to this unconscious state of mind. What good is this world to you? The unconscious world, mind you. Only to realize that it is only for a moment. A blissful moment..

I have to admit, being in this state of mind is excellent. How it feels like, unexplainable. If you want to be in my world, you got to experience it 1st hand. Do I like it? Hell yes! Do I regret it? Hell yes! But only after so long! After realizing what good does it do to me? Why am I wasting my life being unconscious? Why? Why? So many questions without answers!

During my journey, I was lost. I took the wrong exit..The exit to la la land. The land of wonders. Wonders created by my own self..I want to go back home..home is where the conscious state of mind is…

Life if Full of Unexpected Surprises

am here aren't i? i feel that i should find out my writing skills here..